I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
