i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
