just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
