if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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