I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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