We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
