im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
