i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
