i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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