My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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