Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
