I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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