i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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