Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
