Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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