I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
