If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
