you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
