I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
