This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
