dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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