I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
