don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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