words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
