someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
