My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
