My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
