So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
