I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
