i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Randomize
