I think i peed on brittanys purse
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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