So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im six kinds of drunk right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
