It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You pole danced in your parka.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
