Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
