Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize