true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
