Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
