The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
