If that was your dad, he is hot
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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