kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i think i just lost a toe
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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