Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
