just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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