i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
