Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
