you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
