Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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