My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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