y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
