The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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