i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
