How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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