OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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