Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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