I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
