You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
