I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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