i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
