Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So here I am, sexting at work.
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