Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
