That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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