Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
