It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
