Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want her autograph on my taint
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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